Did you know a college football player isn't allowed to take a bow after a good play? As stated Section 2 of Rule 9 of the 2018 NCAA Football Rules and Interpretations, players are prohibited from "bowing at the waist after a good play."
As magnificent and intoxicating as college football is, the sport is laced with indefensibly moronic in-game rules. Which rules are the dumbest?
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Celebration Penalties
"[P]lacing a hand by the ear to request recognition."
"An unopposed ball carrier obviously altering stride as he approaches the opponent’s goal line or diving into the end zone."
"[B]owing at the waist after a good play."
Some celebration penalties are necessary. Players should not be allowed to slash their throats, hold up the game for several seconds, enter the stands or "simulate the firing of a weapon". Players should, however, be allowed to have fun on a football field.
Can you bow after a bad play? The rule only states after a "good play."
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One-Bounce Onside Kick
"During a free kick a player of the receiving team in position to receive the ball has the same kick-catch and fair-catch protection whether the ball is kicked directly off the tee or is immediately driven to the ground, strikes the ground once and goes into the air in the manner of the ball kicked directly off the tee."
A little-known rule, receiving teams are allowed to wave fair catch on an onside kick that only bounces once. It rarely occurs but remains mind-numbingly stupid.
Why should a receiving team have the right to a bounced ball beyond 10 yards?
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Catch Possession Out of Bounds
"If a player goes to the ground in the act of catching a pass (with or without contact by an opponent) he must maintain complete and continuous control of the ball throughout the process of contacting the ground, whether in the field of play or in the end zone.
"This is also required for a player attempting to make a catch at the sideline and going to the ground out of bounds. If he loses control of the ball which then touches the ground before he regains control, it is not a catch. If he regains control inbounds prior to the ball touching the ground it is a catch."
We're focusing on the second paragraph, specifically, "This is also required for a player attempting to make a catch at the sideline and going to the ground out of bounds."
Why does it matter what happens out of bounds? If a player possesses the ball in bounds with at least one foot (or other qualifying body part) down, why can't the ball move when he's no longer in the field of play?
If I can hold nine cups of chocolate milk in my belly during dinner with the in-laws, why does it matter what I do to their bathroom after leaving the table?
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Minimum Spike Time
"If the game clock is stopped and will start on the referee’s signal with three or more seconds remaining in the quarter, the offense may reasonably expect to throw the ball directly to the ground (Rule 7-3-2-f ) and have enough time for another play. With two seconds or one second on the game clock there is enough time for only one play."
The NCAA passed the three-second spike rule in 2013. They did so to prevent clock controversy. The intention is fair enough, right? But who is the NCAA to tell a team a ball can't be spiked in under three seconds? Spikes have been clocked at well under three seconds.
In the rare case of a necessary sub-three-second spike, why can't the replay booth use a stopwatch to determine if there's enough time?
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Targeting Ejection
"For fouls in the first half: Disqualification for the remainder of the game. (Rule 2-27-12) For fouls in the second half: Disqualification for the remainder of the game and the first half of the next game."
This rule has been beaten senselessly by everyone — except the NCAA.
The 224-page Rules and Interpretation book contains thousands of words. Let's add a few more words and allow officials to judge intent. Was the hit malicious? Was it delivered with the intent to harm?
Create a central command replay and have every conference play by the same rules. If the hit wasn't malicious, flag the offender for 15 yards and eject after a second targeting foul.
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Ejected Players Leave Field
"A disqualified player must leave the playing enclosure under the escort of team personnel before the next play after his disqualification. He must remain out of view of the field of play under team supervision for the duration of the game."
This is part of the same targeting ejection rule but deserves it's own ranking, even ahead of the ejection idiocy.
If a player is ejected for throwing a punch, shoving an official or doing something similarly stupid, he should leave the field. However, if ejected for targeting, he should be allowed to stay. It should be treated the same as foul disqualification in basketball.
The NCAA is sending five-year-olds to their bedroom for a timeout.
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Fumble Touchback
"When a fumble or backward pass goes out of bounds behind or beyond a goal line, it is a safety or touchback"
The rule is too harsh. Sure, offensive players are taking a risk extending the ball toward the goal line, but should the risk carry a potential turnover even if, typically, the defense doesn't touch the ball, let alone possess it?
Allow the offense to retain possession at the 20-yard-line.
Can I just say that of all the idiots in all the idiot villages in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend.
